My 'Good Enough' Garden

As a recovering perfectionist, it is incredibly difficult for me to enter into any activity, if I am not completely certain I can excel in it.

It's ridiculous, I know.
Completely unrealistic.
Not sustainable.

Yet, my very-real struggle.

One of the ways that I have combated this, is to intentionally choose to be responsible for something that I can only be "good enough" at, for this season.  For instance:

I really enjoy plants, green trees, grass, gardens, flowers, and soil.  I do not have the time, or the energy, to do this as well as I could.

In fact, I have many friends who can teach me the finer points of gardening, composting, balancing the pH in the soil, which plants to plant in our crappy clay-soil, how to have a garden thrive here in the desert, and how much sun a particular plant needs.  I could go to seminars at the library, check out free books, talk to local farmers, and YouTube 642,000 videos.

However, in this season of motherhood, I find myself with very little time to do gardening as well as I [theoretically] could.  Could I manage my time better?  Probably.  Could I swap responsibilities to free up time?  Maybe.  Could I just "Be Stronger" and make it happen?  Lol, nope.

My Good Enough Garden.

Before kiddos (and even after), I only knew the way of the perfectionist.  If I knew I could be awesome at it - sure, I would work hard at whatever it was, but I really could juggle a bazillion plates, and have people oooh and ahhhh over the performance - I would do it.  Let's talk about people-pleasing! ugh.

In this current season, I'm juggling even MORE plates, but now it's under the title of "homemaker" and people get sooo awkward about it.  It's like, we don't know how to validate that choice, without sounding pejorative or chauvinistic, so we just kinda... 'awkward-turtle' it.  Ya know, "oh, that's nice....so what do you do all day?"  Let's talk about the ridiculous mommy-wars over this topic.  sigh.

Which, honestly, led me to a LOT of activities and jobs, that, just maybe, I shouldn't have committed to, because I simply did not have the energy and health for them.  But, my goodness, I just needed something to say besides, "I'm dealing with more poop than you can believe, and all the while bone-deep exhausted, plus sick, and trying to 'enjoy this short season' while not killing everybody by dinnertime."

But, alas, my need for Identity from performance-driven activities, only led to even more exhaustion and frustration.  Praise Jesus, for lots of changes, and surrendering, and praying, and setting limits has finally led to a MUCH more sustainable way of doing life (huzzah!), yet it is STILL so tough for me to set a limit when a person doesn't understand.  Let's talk about how tough it is for me to be misunderstood!  hello, self.

Now, what's all this have to do with a "Good Enough" garden, you ask?  Simply this:

I can plant plants that will be green, have flowers, and maybe even produce an edible veggie or two, without trying to make it about performing.  I'm not entering a contest, being featured on a magazine, teaching this subject, or needing this for my family's sustenance.

I am free to not only do what I can do - have it be Good Enough - but to actually ENJOY it in it's "lesser" state!  I am choosing to spend my energy in other places, and perhaps there will come a time when I can focus more on thriving in my gardening skills, but, for now, I am excited to have something green to look at, to have my boys enjoy watching things grow, and accepting that I am doing something that brings rest to my heart.

And, seriously, guys, it counts for my heart, brings rest, allows me to hear the Lord better, and is a place of praise!  I'm so glad I did not miss out on this blessing by listening to fear/failure, and in seeking the approval of others by outward appearances.  It's been such a beautiful gift to rest more and more in Jesus, and to give room for the messy, unfinished, in-process Reality of Life. 

With you on the Journey,
Carlene

A watermelon is actually growing!!!!