Worry: Don't Do It.

I struggle with Worry a lot.  Mostly because I struggle with Control a lot.  I like to Control everything and then Worry about whether I can Control everything (which, of course, I can't).  Not a good, God-honoring way to live.

[duh.]

Consequently, I have spent a lot of time reading Jesus' words about not worrying (Matthew 6 and Luke 12).  However, the other day, these words hit me in a new way.  I had always read the words

"So don't worry about these things, saying, 'What will we eat?  What will we drink?  What will we wear?'  These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs.  Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.  So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries.  Today's trouble is enough for today."

as speaking to those really poor people who don't have an assurance of their next meal, or confidence of warm clothes come winter.  Like, only those people without, would worry about food and clothes.

Well.

God showed me that EVERY single one of us falls into worry about food and clothes (i.e. everyday life!).  We can be consumed with wearing the right clothes.  We can focus all our time on eating the right foods.  We can obsess over restaurants, fashion, and all manner of material comparisons to prove we're all right.  In other words: the very wealthy, the semi-wealthy, the middle, the poor - ALL can put too much emphasis upon what we eat and wear and do with our daily lives.

This has really opened up a whole new way to read these passages.  Perhaps all of ya'll have always read it this way.  Not sure.  But, I know that in my own life, and in the conversations I have with those around me, I now see a whole new way in which we concern ourselves with the very things Jesus says not to.

"Can I eat/wear/buy ______ without being made fun of?"
"I just HAVE to have ______!"
"And then [food conversation], and then [stuff conversation], and then [food conversation], and then...."
"If my house/body doesn't look like _____ life is over."

Perhaps you don't speak or think as dramatically, but I challenge you to take a look at the amount of time and energy you do spend thinking about things like food and clothes.  Is it just for normal/quiet living, or do you live for the next outfit?  the next meal?  the next toy?  Do you get anxious when they are lacking?  Does your worth and confidence and joy waver when ordinary life doesn't provide to the level of your neighbor?

I'm sure thinking a lot more about this now, that's for sure....  I hope you join me :) 



What are YOU consumed by?

Take me, Lord...

Take me to our secret place, Lord; I need You!!

Life in the Actual

I think one of the biggest struggles I've had since graduating college is that I no longer have the luxury of living with all the Potentials of Life before me. 

I LOVE potential.  I love preparing an amazing meal, studying for an exam, working towards any goal.  But arriving has always disappointed me.  Before I graduated college, there was always another task ahead, that I could easily place my hope in again.  Obviously, not a good way to live, but I hardly recognized this pattern until recent years.

Now I see how much I have made this my idol: perfection.  And it has never delivered.  This world can't!  (how do I keep my focus on Christ - the only True Perfection - while owning my life/choices?)  Yet I put all my hope in this ideal, hoping that this time, maybe it will meet all my unrealistic expectations, and it never does.  I know that I need to hold on to the ideal, while accepting the imperfections seen in others, myself, and this world, but facing this with character, reality, and grace has been much harder in this season of life than in any of the previous ones.

I suppose no longer having work/school/music/sports to outlet my bad habit, has made this more clear. Like, I have transfered it to my personal life: friends, kids, maturity, a clean house....And it has driven me nuts.  I am exhausted constantly from trying to reach goals that aren't even close to achievable (how can you arrive at anything in relationship? It's all process and growth and health - not checking off a list!).  But: yea for Christ helping me to see clearly!

I think I could fool myself before with good grades, trophies, wins, and being liked by everyone.... but now.... there really is no more pretending.  I am living in the 'Actual Real Life.'  There is no more "well, once this finishes, then I'll be satisfied...and if not, I'll just do something else even bigger next time" pretending.

I am sick of deluding myself.  I want to walk in Freedom.  Truth.  Peace.  Grace!  Yet, while I do this for a day, week, or month, eventually I kick in with "Life can't be this simple; hurry and get back on track!" and I pick up all the pieces again.  Which, ironically enough, leads me to all sorts of guilt and shame for having dropped them in the first place. Ah, what a ridiculous cycle.

What happened to "I don't play that game"? 

I am working on resting.  Ha.  But really.  I need calm moments which don't exist.  I want to do things because I want to, not because I feel the obligation of perfection and performance.  Can I live this way?  Can I work and pursue excellence without carrying the idol of 'performance will satisfy'?  Can I walk with Christ in a way that brings honor to Him, while resting in His complete and utter Love for me?

I want to find Peace in the here and now: not wish for how I met it 10 years ago.  Come, Jesus, and bring me out of this performance addiction!



Ah, for still moments with my Savior. :)


(ok, but, p.s. how do I still live with excellence?  How do I still pursue goals?  How do I not let my motivation be perfection?  How do I accept my personality as one who enjoys tasks and work and achieving tangible goals?  Why work so hard for something?  Why sacrifice?  How do I live and love well with this motive stripped? ?????)

The Freedom to Create

(Or: Why We Follow Baby Companies but Not Communities)

Talk with a seasoned mother, and you'll hear a whole host of unique ways of managing her household, raising her children, keeping her marriage strong, and finding time to keep her own self healthy.  This is a process each woman must go through in life, but for a woman becoming a mother, this uniquely-lived-daily-life is especially essential.

A mother raises unique human beings, in a unique household, in a unique environment, in a unique time, in a (ok ok, you get the picture!), and this requires unique ways of thinking.  The problem arises when a first-time mother is inundated with all manner of 'could/should/must/caution's' from businesses, and arrives at parenting not only with her own experiences, her own dreams, her own ideas of what it may look like, but those of a hundred corporations. (and probably those of a hubby or family too!)

Now, most of these organizations have good advice, but the problem is that it's not given as advice; it's given as a necessity.  You MUST:
do this action
buy this product
pay attention to this fear
beware of this situation
clothe them this way
have this furniture
give this medicine
don't give this medicine
feed them this
don't feed them this
ET CETERA!!!!!! 

If you aren't careful, the unsuspecting new mother can VERY easily get caught up in 437 new things to be thinking about, buying immediately, fearing constantly, and stressing over continually.

We need community.  We need advice.  We need to be taught.  Fine.  But, be careful to take your lessons from society.  It's hard enough to filter out what the close people in your life tell you to do with your kids!

Fine advice, but it's not as simple/fun/easy as they say...Especially when we take a snapshot and turn it into her whole life.  A beautiful room, with beautifully dressed people, laughing.... ah, not 24/7 reality, yet we want to make it so!  "Bethenny Frankel on juggling a career with baby Bryn" at http://www.parenting.com/

 

My own limited experience has led me to say: find a few older mothers that you really respect, and ask questions.  Then, be intentional to listen to them, and not just to culture.  Mostly ask them how they've managed to create their own environment - whether that includes hot dogs, vaccinations, clothes from Goodwill, homemade rice cereal, time outs, diapers, sign language, or trips to the aquarium when they're 10 days old - listen to how they found the freedom to be what their family needed to be in each season.  Listen to how the small moments of joy can carry you through the next days of challenges.

It's great to ask questions and look for advice.  Just be careful only taking what is on TV, or in a magazine, or found in books.  GREAT advice in most things out there, and as most likely your circle of friends doesn't include specialists, these resources are great ways to find out answers to questions.  Just take it all with a grain of salt, recognizing that  they are not walking in your shoes, so it has to be generic-advice, and not specific-to-YOU advice.

Many people already excel at being who they are and in doing what they need.  I am not one of them.  I take the expectations handed to me and then try to exceed them x10.  I swallowed up so many 'have to's' of parenting, that it has taken me years to sort through it all.... to extract what I do not need to be, and to give myself the freedom to create my home and life as we need.....as I want!

Each season is unique.  What I needed to do 2 years (heck, 2 days!) ago is not the same as now.  Learning to walk in the grace of "this may not be what 'so and so' says I need to be doing right now, but it IS what I need to be doing right now.  So I will."

Final thought: It's the small things, mostly, that I'm talking about.  Big stuff is still there - still overwhelming - but easier to identify and filter.  The small things are what exhausts you, and it's easy to have no clue why.

For me, this is lived out as simply as unloading the groceries and taking 5 or 10 to relax with my boys from the, often, stressful time of shopping with hundreds of snowbirds, before putting it all away.  I was not raised this way.  My default is to get everything put away ASAP and then put some speed on it, girl!

BUT!  For me, in this season, it is simply beyond my ability to live like that.  I need the break. The bread will survive.