Seasons and Sacrifice

Thankfulness and Freedom seemed to be especially present this morning, and as I was reflecting on what has led about their strength in these days, I saw two lessons which The Shepherd has been patiently teaching me for some time now.

1. Life is full of seasons.  Lord willing, there really will come a time when I work/minister outside of my home.  There will come a time when my children are grown and I have the house to myself/Kris again.  There will come a time when my kids are old enough to have their own lives and I won't be so needed in the ways I am now (a freeing thought for my introverted self!).

2. Maturity, Faith, Love, Service, etc. start NOW.  In this place.  With these people.  There is no other way.  If I refuse to learn how to sacrifice for them, any future work/loving/evangelism/relationships will be stunted.  If I refuse to learn how to take care of myself (say no, set boundaries, serve with a cheerful heart, etc!) in this season, it will not magically *poof* it's way into my life in a future season.

Which, as a side note:

There. Is. No. *Poof.* in God's Kingdom - everything, always, has a cost and a process.  Does Jesus sometimes take the cost upon Himself?  Sure.  Does He sometimes make the process so sweet to us, that it is hardly a burden?  Absolutely.  Does that mean that if we're shouldering a heavy cost and a long journey that we're outside of His will?  Nope.
(Now, there is a difference between carrying shame, guilt, sin, etc. around in a heavy burden, but what I'm speaking of is the burden of love, commitment, sacrifice, purpose, etc)

And, back to the point....

So, because of these two lessons, I see that I am free to do what what I need to do, in THIS season, to care for myself, to strengthen my marriage, to love my children, and to serve God with a happy heart.  The deep lessons and maturity begin NOW....

I can't express how much this has changed how I see my life!

Trusting that God has actually led me to this place/season.  Trusting that the work I do now - in Normal Life - actually counts (for myself and for the Kingdom).  Trusting that God will move me - in His way/time -  to a new season.  Trusting that I can rest/play/connect/grow/serve as is most restful to me, and that Jesus will multiply my efforts, if they truly need to be (how much do I always think 'more is better'?).

After all, what other way is there, except to
............Begin where you're at?
............Use what you have?
............Serve whom you're around?
............Enjoy and Rest as you can, Today?

Basically, for me, these lessons have allowed Rest to enter my days.  To trust that Jesus really is in control...  That I don't have to go out seeking an adventure - I'm already in one.  Yes, it may look like dishes, bills, school, decisions, commitments, questions, hard work, diligence, tenacity, love, difficult people, fun times, etc, but isn't that what adventures always are?  Isn't that what the missionary works so hard to do in a new culture?  Isn't Ordinary Life what God created?  And aren't we in that Right NOW?

So, on my days when it's all I can do to not sit in anger and depression and hurt and despair at my life right now,  I remember that 'this too shall pass' and that 'He makes all things beautiful in its time.'  If that means that today I need a good cry, a coffee, and my boys play on their own, so be it.  If it means I have the energy to engage with Alex and Jon, Kris, my family, Jesus, friends, chores, work, etc. then great!  If it means that today is a slower day, and I breathe the moments with thanks for Life, Health, Relationships, Salvation, and most of all, for His walking with me....then ok!

He has given me the manna I need for Today.  Don't hoard it.  Don't waste it.  Say, "Thank You" and enjoy.



[I refuse to buy in to the Western (ah, human!) rush of living.  Life is so much more.  Why do we rush - few things are truly Urgent - for everything?  Laziness does not equal Rest!  But, that's for another day....]

It's a Small World

Ya know what's ironic (besides fat-free candy bars)?

We have all this global awareness at our fingertips, right?  And we assume we can (and feel required, almost) to keep tabs on little bits of everything.  Oh sure, we allow for everyone to have their little sections of Reality that goes to a deeper knowledge of "whatever" than other people, but we still feel like because we CAN "know it all," therefore we SHOULD.

But here's the irony: we can't.

No really!  Do we believe this?  Alex's new thing right now is, "Mom, I want to learn more than God."  Just as I'm having to explain to him why no one can know more than God, so this seems to be the same issue I'm seeing pop up right now.  We are anxious to know more than God.  We want the control that knowledge brings.  We want to feel proud and better than others and safe in our knowledge. 

But.  Reality sets in....as it has a great habit of doing....

We have to make choices everyday to live and learn one thing, and not another, right?  This is awesome.  This is Life.  This is ok!  We all do this, by the way.....and yet....We still have this social pressure to go deeper about everything.  We feel like we should be these "Neal Caffery's" or "Rick Harrison's" who just know everything they need to know - no matter how nuanced it is.  Come on, how many times are people mocked for their ignorance about "obvious" things?

Take, for instance, all of the political hot topics right now.  A lot of people are making fun of the ignorant - on both sides.  And, oh, how we laugh at 'those stupid people.'  "How could they not know Sarah Palin isn't even running?  How could they not know Mit Romney isn't black?  How could they not know...." and we go on.  Yes, it's funny.  Yes, it open conversation doors, but here's my problem with it all:

I don't care what topic you pick (the price of gas, grocery's, politics, religion, how to find the best pizza shop downtown), when it's in YOUR world, it's very familiar.  And we so easily forget that other people, those who aren't in our world, may not have such familiarity with it.

We laugh at their ignorance.  "How could they not know to take the Loop to 51st Ave?"

We're embarrassed at our own ignorance, when it happens to emerge. "Oh, that's how you use the coffee pot at church?"

We try to cover it up by jokes, learning more, pretending to not care, or a host of other ways.

To me, this comes down to Grace (as always, lol).  Am I willing to offer grace to someone who asks a question that seems BEYOND OBVIOUS to me?  Am I willing to break down an answer into understandable terms, instead of just assuming they know?  Am I willing to pursue the freedom that comes when I admit my need for help?

There is NO shame in not knowing everything.  There is NO shame in having to ask for help, or in having a question.  There is NO shame when we reveal we don't know it all.  Guess what?

"No one can know more than God, honey."



.....and that's just the way it is.

Use What You Have

This season I'm in seems to be offering Contentment at every turn.  Not the "oh, I just am so at peace with this moment" Contentment, but the option to rest in it, or.... scurry around in stress.  My eyes are being opened more and more to the Good that is all around me.  Again, not in a "I just want to dance and sing with all my energetic reserves" but a whispering....an alluring....a sensing....of something Real.

When I am not content with who is in my life, or what I have been given, I look to the Other.  I look to Stuff.  I look to Myself.

None of which delivers.

When I am made aware that what I have is enough for the task/need in front of me, I can smile.  I can push up my sleeves and get to work.  I can choose Contentment.

This applies in very practical ways, by the way.  And it is a GREAT help when arguing with the Could/Should/Must's in my head.  Take a glimpse:

* "I should write a book and make a fancy blog." is challenged by: "I find freedom in anonymous, small, authentic community.  I don't like screen time.  I enjoy alone time. When I find a few moments, I don't want to do something BIG....I want to do something simple.  I am not tech-savvy."

* "I should buy a new air mattress for when we have company" is challenged by: "I can find one on Craig's List for a fraction of the cost, if I take the time to look around, do my homework, and be willing to wait a few weeks. or months."

* "If I am just strong enough, putting in enough self-effort, I can overcome anything." is challenged by: "I have limitations.  I need sleep.  I need alone time.  I need Jesus!  I need GRACE!  Resting in Grace and not trusting in my self-effort, is what leads to true change."

* "If I was a better mom, my kids would be eating organic everything, play outdoors for hours, and never watch TV" is challenged by: "Reality is, there are times when going outdoors is just not feasible, and I need them to be still, and we can't afford that kind of food.  Yes, I could be more creative, but sometimes it just means having frozen veggies alongside a sandwich, while watching Blue's Clue's together."

* "I've done something wrong, cuz Life isn't what I thought it would be." is challenged by....well, lol, when does it ever turn out how we expect?! 

Ok, enough of that....there's a smattering for you of some of my rolling thoughts. 


Use what you have, and try to have a smile served up alongside.  I've been given what I need for Today. 



Daily Bread: not served with a plan, but by a Good Father.

Getting Dressed

We're walking out the door, but had to share this now, cuz if I wait for later, it'll never happen.  I'm ok to be a few min. late for moments like this :)


Alex is almost 4 (what?!), and has been dressing himself for some time now.  Usually, he gets a tshirt and a pair of jeans and calls it done.  Every now and then, though, we'll get a....unique outfit.  Today was one such day.

He found this random pair of blue dress pants (where did they come from?  some hidden corner of his drawer?) and had this green, yellow, brown, and red striped collared dress shirt.  Doesn't look too bad, but wasn't exactly the most, well, together, outfit.  I usually  make suggestions about what might work better, but then I don't push it (pick your battles, right?).  He actually took my suggestion of finding a white shirt, and came out with a dress shirt that looks very nice on him. 

I was quite pleased about him actually going to Bible Study looking so nice, when he comes out with this orange beenie, mittens, and a giant smile.

"I'm going to wear these so Grandma can see how handsome! I am."  (Yes, he emphasized that word)

Yes, Alex, go ahead.  Not a problem at all.  :)