When all I see is Need...

Most conversations around me seem to be centered on opening up our eyes to the needs of the Other.  Most sermons and blogs and challenges and lectures are all about creating awareness.  Getting rid of ignorance.  Educating.

Well, what happens when I (though still full of ignorant assumptions, I know!) seem to ONLY see the needs of those around me?  What happens when I don't have a default yes/no based on my own life's needs?

What happens when all I see is the Need of the Other?

How do I know what to say yes or no to?
How do I know when to take care of myself, and when to sacrifice my own needs?
How do I know which need take precedence in a given moment?


Yeah, I don't think I ever will know in the sense of "certainty," and I do think it's a lot of trial, error, attempts, successes, failures, learnings, listenings...  and, well, PROCESS.  Which, ten years ago, would have freaked me out.  Now, I feel much better about Process, but it still jumps up at me, startling my daily rhythms again...  like today.

(I guess it's also hard for me right now, cuz I have a good idea of how to take care of me, but it involves a LOT of alone time....which is a VERY rare commodity in this season I'm in... so to be continually saying no to outside relationships - which is what I desire - creates a weird tension between isolation [selfish loneliness] and health [selfless connection].  I suppose my main desire is validation of my choices...but ...  agh, I guess that's ppl-pleasing then?  Hmmm...)

I am still learning that process IS the point, but, man, what to do in the moment of need-awareness?  I'm told to take responsibility (my childhood).  I'm told that to know good and not do it is sin (James).  I'm told to make the best choice I can, with the info I have, and then act.

Well, this has me stumped.

I guess I do want some sort of formula.  I guess I'd love to be God in those moments, instead of having to trust His promptings in my heart.  Ah, but how to know when it is God's moving, and not my own desires?  What to do with an over-reaching sense of responsibility?

There is Need and Pain and Loneliness and Hurt everywhere!!
Yet, I am not God.
And I am allowed to be a limited and need-dependent human.
Yet...  I am His hands and feet; a Truth-speaker in a world thirsty for Reality; a limited and grace-standing daughter of God.  Can I simmer there???  Ah, Grace! 

Hmmm....

Re-orient my world, Jesus.  Let me take one step after You.  Fill me with Truth - for myself first, and then those You have placed in my world today.  Open my eyes to Your Reality.  I need You.

It's only....

I've noticed that whenever I seem to have an abundance of something, I diminish it greatly in my mind.  Whether this is tangible, like food or money, or intangible, like free time or love. 

It's amazing how we take for granted SO much!  It's so easy for me to complain about what I don't have, yet when I fix my thoughts on gratitude, and I let God show me what I truly have, I am astounded.


I am so blessed.


And you are too.

Neener-Neener or Listening?

I had a few thoughts rumbling around in my head this morning as I tried to force myself back to sleep... to no avail.  So, courtesy of my early morning (and waiting for my tea to steep), here we go:

After watching a good month of The Big Bang Theory (hilarious!!!), I'm seeing  a few patterns emerge in the culture around me....things we see on the show, tell ourselves "aren't real," but then go ahead and live like that anyways. Nothing against the show, just a few challenges to the culture:

1. Getting laid will not solve all your problems.  Nor will being in a relationship.  Nor will being smart.  Whether single or married, this can be a real pitfall for many of us.  Because the ways that people form trust, commitments, happiness, purpose, etc, rarely come about in the way the shows tells us!  Yes, it's funny to watch, but I think it's just sad when we have a culture of grown-ups (20-30 somethings especially) who are justifying immaturity, selfishness, arrogance, and even loose living, because it's portrayed as the way to be connected....cool....in control...happy...at peace.  When, in fact, the very opposite often happens by living in such a way.

2. Science is an amazing tool for discovery of facts, but it is not a religion.  In fact, it is actually a lot more subjective than we realize, as it's still people making observations about what they/the majority/the minority experience. Science has been wrong and incomplete in the past, which is totally fine when seeking knowledge, but rather unhelpful when seeking Purpose.

Science is not our end-all.  It cannot be where we find purpose.  It is great for learning and asking questions, but lousy for putting faith into it (and if you think we don't put faith into science, think again.  Start paying attention to the type of language used when the hot-topic conversation of Religion v. Science comes up - both sides use language that show they're putting faith/hope/purpose into it...but more on that another time).

We can learn a great deal from the scientific field, as long as we remember that it's about answering the 'how's' and not the 'why's' of life, right?  If you are looking to Science to answer question of purpose, peace, meaning, encouragement, absolutes, Truth, etc, you will be disappointed...After all, how can data (non-Life) provide meaning to humans (Life) when we are the ones above it?  Can the food on the table, or the computer at work, or the bills I pay, or the dust I clean, meet my heart at all?  No, only Life can beget Life.  Now, can the data be used to perhaps better the quality of a person's life?  Sure!  But, remember that that is a Supplemental, not Higher, role of the information to a person.

Therefore, let's spend more time asking questions about which religion is closer to Life, as opposed to all our time bashing the supposed 'non-intellectual' as being lazy and stupid.

3.  And, finally, I think it's very sad that the questions of religion, faith, science, meaning, etc. are all lumped into a great big non-thinking mess, and we just resolve ourselves to bash the other side with our arrogant attitudes.  I would much rather have a conversation with a Scientist about her findings (and why they impact herself/others), then to read all about how ignorant/stupid people-not-in-my-group are by the same person.

Seriously, how is that helpful when anyone bashes someone?  (words, clothes, attitudes, online, whatever)

Just because Science can quantify data on a piece of paper does not make it any more solid of a reason to exclude, name-call, disrespect, or ignore a person who is not in 100% agreement with you (unless you're taking an extreme view on natural selection, in which case, let's have an in-person conversation, ok?).  Culturally, we lump the entire field of Science into one big, all-powerful, clearly-right, entity, yet when one pokes around in any specific field, one finds, shocker: disagreements. Variance readings of the data.  Changes in the facts.  Again, this is completely fine when pursuing knowledge, but a horrible place to put your heart, find Truth, and to take a stand against others. 

Are there non-thinking people in every social group?  Of course!  Does that give the thinking people a right to 'neener-neener' (lol, Sheldon!) the others with the Truth/Wisdom they've found?  Of course not!  But, for those who can rise above the name-calling, the bashing, the degrading, and the non-listening, to those I wish to encourage to press on to this higher path.  Whether you are in the fields of Science, Faith, Humanities, or all of the above, let's cut out the cutting remarks, eh?  It's not going to help anything anyways - Not in challenging people to Live Well.  Not the pursuit of Science.  Not the growing of our Faith.  Not the building of Relationships.  Not the discovery of Reality.  Not the seeking of Truth. 


...and now, to my tea...







   

Seasons and Sacrifice

Thankfulness and Freedom seemed to be especially present this morning, and as I was reflecting on what has led about their strength in these days, I saw two lessons which The Shepherd has been patiently teaching me for some time now.

1. Life is full of seasons.  Lord willing, there really will come a time when I work/minister outside of my home.  There will come a time when my children are grown and I have the house to myself/Kris again.  There will come a time when my kids are old enough to have their own lives and I won't be so needed in the ways I am now (a freeing thought for my introverted self!).

2. Maturity, Faith, Love, Service, etc. start NOW.  In this place.  With these people.  There is no other way.  If I refuse to learn how to sacrifice for them, any future work/loving/evangelism/relationships will be stunted.  If I refuse to learn how to take care of myself (say no, set boundaries, serve with a cheerful heart, etc!) in this season, it will not magically *poof* it's way into my life in a future season.

Which, as a side note:

There. Is. No. *Poof.* in God's Kingdom - everything, always, has a cost and a process.  Does Jesus sometimes take the cost upon Himself?  Sure.  Does He sometimes make the process so sweet to us, that it is hardly a burden?  Absolutely.  Does that mean that if we're shouldering a heavy cost and a long journey that we're outside of His will?  Nope.
(Now, there is a difference between carrying shame, guilt, sin, etc. around in a heavy burden, but what I'm speaking of is the burden of love, commitment, sacrifice, purpose, etc)

And, back to the point....

So, because of these two lessons, I see that I am free to do what what I need to do, in THIS season, to care for myself, to strengthen my marriage, to love my children, and to serve God with a happy heart.  The deep lessons and maturity begin NOW....

I can't express how much this has changed how I see my life!

Trusting that God has actually led me to this place/season.  Trusting that the work I do now - in Normal Life - actually counts (for myself and for the Kingdom).  Trusting that God will move me - in His way/time -  to a new season.  Trusting that I can rest/play/connect/grow/serve as is most restful to me, and that Jesus will multiply my efforts, if they truly need to be (how much do I always think 'more is better'?).

After all, what other way is there, except to
............Begin where you're at?
............Use what you have?
............Serve whom you're around?
............Enjoy and Rest as you can, Today?

Basically, for me, these lessons have allowed Rest to enter my days.  To trust that Jesus really is in control...  That I don't have to go out seeking an adventure - I'm already in one.  Yes, it may look like dishes, bills, school, decisions, commitments, questions, hard work, diligence, tenacity, love, difficult people, fun times, etc, but isn't that what adventures always are?  Isn't that what the missionary works so hard to do in a new culture?  Isn't Ordinary Life what God created?  And aren't we in that Right NOW?

So, on my days when it's all I can do to not sit in anger and depression and hurt and despair at my life right now,  I remember that 'this too shall pass' and that 'He makes all things beautiful in its time.'  If that means that today I need a good cry, a coffee, and my boys play on their own, so be it.  If it means I have the energy to engage with Alex and Jon, Kris, my family, Jesus, friends, chores, work, etc. then great!  If it means that today is a slower day, and I breathe the moments with thanks for Life, Health, Relationships, Salvation, and most of all, for His walking with me....then ok!

He has given me the manna I need for Today.  Don't hoard it.  Don't waste it.  Say, "Thank You" and enjoy.



[I refuse to buy in to the Western (ah, human!) rush of living.  Life is so much more.  Why do we rush - few things are truly Urgent - for everything?  Laziness does not equal Rest!  But, that's for another day....]