It's Just Life.

I've started this post so many times.  I have drafts galore.  I simply don't know how to express this new sense of freedom that has been slowly seeping into my existence. I'm experiencing so many things:

Rest.

Peace.

Hope.

Contentment.

Growth.

Life.

Things that I've said for years ("I'm trusting God with that") have taken on a new and deeper meaning to me. I'm believing Him more.  I'm trusting Him more.  I'm seeing Him more.  I'm surrendering control to Him more.

Slow down time: The boys enjoying a snack out back.  And, yes, they HAD to sit that close to each other.  :)

Service, NO MATTER WHERE IT IS, if I'm doing it for Jesus, it counts.

Work, NO MATTER WHAT IT IS, if I'm doing it with integrity, with effort, with a smile, it counts.

Relationships, NO MATTER THEIR LOCATION, if I'm interacting with authenticity, vulnerability, trust, humility, and grace, they count.

Rest, NO MATTER HOW I'M TAKING IT, if I'm releasing control and trusting God with my work, counts. 

I'm seeing this truth more and more: Context Doesn't Matter.

Ok, I get it, it's hard to just say some blanket statement like that, without a thousand variables coming to mind (at least, to my mind, they do lol), but whenever I unpack a variable, I come to the same conclusion:

It's about the heart.

And this, my friends, is what frees me up to serve/connect/grow/sacrifice in a kitchen, in a stadium, online, in person, with family, alone, in singleness, in marriage, with kids, without kids, known, unseen, as a missionary oversees, or as a missionally-minded person in the States.  This frees me from needing to be some big, famous, high-powered, wealthy, world-changer.  After all, the path to changing the world is through the patient, calm, one-on-one relationships lived out in every context.  Slowly.  Calmly.  Truly.  Lovely.  Beautifully.  We are free to be human, loved by a GREAT GOD, wherever we are.  

After all, my friends, it's just Life.

Find something to smile at today: like trying to eat frozen granola bars.  It's a hoot!

The Undone: More Feared than the Undead.

(Read the title and this list like a pirate.  Out loud. Seriously!!!)  

Dust on the baseboards.

A book sitting on the nightstand, 1st chapter done, 7 weeks later.

Piles in the office to be filed.

Piles on the desk to be sorted.

Toys to be gone through (give away, sell, keep...)

Dishes, Laundry, Bills, Errands, Cooking,

AAHHHHHH!!!!!!  It's the zombie apocalypse!!!!  Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....

Oh.  It's just Life?

Right.

Alrighty then, buck up, girl, here ya go.

Why, oh why, does the Undone steal my joy?  Why does the constant motion of life turn into such a stressful montage?  When is the healthy living of productive, efficient, excellent actions, suddenly the fearful Undone?  What I know is that, for me, when I focus solely upon "Rest happens once work is done" I drive myself crazy....in this season, at least, when my limits seem much louder. 

I think being a hard worker is a wonderful skill, by the way, but as I ponder how much I translate those skills into this sphere of life (motherhood; homemaking; creating a place of rest; etc), I think I've taken a good truth, and perverted it.  Made it about control.

Life is never. ever. evereverevereverever done.  Like, ever. 

And that's ok.  Seriously!! There will always be work tomorrow (how boring if not!), and as I do what I can today, that's enough.  I can rest, and trust God to make up the difference, if it really couldn't wait until tomorrow (or provide energy to me, if truly needed).  Sabbath day, and daily moments of rest, are found by connecting with God, others, and self.  I am free to be a human, with limits, and to get to certain things tomorrow, if today's energy is all used up.

God grants me what I need, for what He has for me, today.  This moment.  This step.  I can trust that He's guiding, even when it's all I can do to come up for air.  I can trust Him to form my values, when I'm busy living out the ones already formed. 

I can live in a space with imperfections, for I am imperfect. 
I can rest in a place that's in-process, for I am in-process. 
I can accept that only so much can get done in a day, for only God is omnipotent.

So: not the End of the World.  Though, on the days when it feels like it, it's a good reminder to push that fear away, do the work in front of me, and then rest.  Connect.  Think.  Zone out.  Pray.  Be still.

Light a candle, hold a cup of tea, read the Word, and maybe even take a bath.   Or just go to sleep.  Or, try to find a bit of a smile in all the child-interruptions which limit said rest, and trust that Jesus will make up the difference in the end. 

Jesus is faithful to complete what He starts.  Amen!!!!!

Normal Life.

Some tumbling thoughts this morning...I'm remembering the words of my Aunt Flo, at my brother's wedding a couple years ago, this morning:

"You can't wait for someone to take care of you."

It's funny, cuz at that time, I told her I didn't believe that, and it just didn't make much sense to me.  After all, isn't that what husbands, and friends, and community, and God, all do?  But, as I simmered on that thought for a while, I realized how much I really do wait for someone else to take responsibility for my health.  To read my needs.  To meet them without my asking for help.  To absolve me of  the guilt for my lack of self-care.  I prefer to sit in the control of "I'm living sacrificially" instead of owning my life (which, I can only sacrifice what I own anyways, right?)

For me, this has opened up an entirely new way of doing life....marriage...parenting...friendships.

• I now work really hard to express my needs (which means I HAVE to have some still time each day, so I can get with Jesus, and my thoughts, and figure out what it is I even do need).  
• I try really hard to be careful with my words - I no longer just respond with a polite "I'm fine" or "No, I don't need help" or "It's no problem" when I'm not fine, I do need help, and it is a problem.
• I no longer wait for Kris to notice my need for connection, intimacy, friendship, alone time, worship, girl time, ETC!, and then to offer to help meet that need in some way.  Yes, I still LOVE it when he does notice, but, most often, I try to kindly let him know where I'm at, and what he could do to offer support.  I love it when he also shares the same needs for his heart.  We can't read minds, right? :)  We can't meet every relational need for each other, right?
• I'm better at saying "No" to social and church and family events.  If the boys are having a super rough week, and we just need an evening home, then I'm not going to wait for my friend to notice that, and retract her offer of hang out time; how could she even know?  

 Anyways, perhaps this is simple Normal Life to most people, but being raised to be polite ALWAYS, it is just engraved upon my heart that my needs are always secondary - if ever even given weight - yet, how can we lay down a self, if we don't have a self?  I need to have a life, to sacrifice it.  I need to be an individual, in order to submit to Jesus.

In other words, I am a valuable person too, and it's ok to ask for the space I need to be a healthy person.  THEN, when a situation arises that requires sacrifice, I have a Routine/Normal/Self that I can lay down.

Just yesterday, Alex made a joke about calling himself dumb, and we had a good conversation about how negative self-talk isn't ok, because, after all, you are also a person (made it God's image, whom He dearly loves!).  It's not just OTHER people who get to have respect, and rest, and boundaries, and encouragement, and love.  It's you too!!! 

So, all this to say, I am being convicted about the level of guilt I carry around, because I have needs.  Because I am human.  Because I have limits. Because I have more resources than '3rd world woman A, B, and C,' and I shouldn't even talk about my daily exhaustion's.  It's kinda ridiculous, true, but tis my Default most days.  I'm thankful Jesus patiently points out these things, so that I can have more Freedom, Peace, and Contentment with Him.

He is so Good.

Uninformed.

 or, Choosing to Have a Smaller World.

It's funny how today's global culture works.  Because we can be aware of so many current events, the pressure of "I should have an opinion on them" increases with each year.  Well, to clarify: having an informed opinion is incredibly valued, and being ignorant (i.e. uninformed) is greatly looked down upon.

Have you encountered that?  Listen to how people react to an uninformed person... it's not pleasant.

But, what's the problem with being informed on our world?  Information-overload.  

We aren't very good at knowing where our niche is, and where we can say "I'm allowed to be ignorant about that."  Boundaries matter in this area too.

Ah, but can I even say that today? 

Yet, it's just basic human limitations I'm speaking of here.  I'm not talking about living a self-indulged, ignorant of all others, uneducated, please-only-self life (which can be lived by anyone at any status, p.s.).  What I am speaking of is the willing choice to limit the noise in our lives.

Limiting noise.

Is that all this information is: noise?  Many times, yes. 

I do have great respect for the tech world (I am blogging, after all lol), and all the hard work it takes to engage/create, but at what cost to our personal lives? 

We have so many lonely people.  So many people with unrealistic expectations of success and relationships and family and God.  We've checked out for so long, we're now ignorant on how to... just....  live.

We blame media, or family break-down, or whatever, but how much of this "checked out-ness" could be solved if we made more time to slow down, engage, listen, and unplug?  Spend our energy engaging with the real-time problems in our own world (which, for some, really might include global issues!), instead of distancing ourselves through a screen, and solving the problems of people who are not in our sphere.  We are constantly giving opinions on people so far removed from ourselves, that we end up creating this false sense of authority within our own circles. 

After all,

"If I can have an entire well-informed conversation about famous person X, or politician Y, or tragic event Z, then clearly I am qualified to judge/critique my spouse, kid, parents, neighbor, driver who cut me off, grocer, etc."

We do it without even realizing it.

Eh, perhaps this is a long shot, but I, at least, observe this phenomenon often in myself and in those around me.  We get puffed up by passing our opinions (i.e. judgments) on people who could never clarify or challenge us, and then when we are in a place to listen to the other person's side - a real relationship in front of us! - we're already assuming we're in the right, and listening and learning becomes almost impossible.

SO!

My personal desire is to make an active choice to stream the amount of information I have even coming in to my world.  I really do have limited energy and time - we all do! - and it's just too hard for me (in this season, at least) to try to stay up-to-date about politics, weather, social media, events, etc. AND be present for all the relationships around me. 

"Wherever you are, be all there." ~Jim Elliot

Multitasking makes being fully present rather difficult, right?  Now, this whole thought should lead more to having a healthy rhythm versus no rhythm at all.  Personally, however, I have found over the last 5 years of limiting my TV/movies, commercial-watching, internet browsing, and social media, that I have been much more free to engage with my family, friends, neighbors, and strangers that do enter my real world.  I am free to see them as real people.  I am more present.

And, truly, that has been worth the frequent and awkward moments of my ignorance being revealed.  "Oh, you didn't hear about _____________??!?!?!?!?!" is said so often to me.... 


I now have a deeper respect for listening to real-people-in-my-life stories, instead of just labeling them and sharing my side as quickly as I can (which, I still do often, but I am learning it's not a very healthy way to live out relationships).  I now am more willing to engage and be vulnerable with person A in front of me, instead of just being in front of a screen and half-way paying attention to it all.

I am human.  I am wired to be physically present with the people I am in relationship with in this season of my life.  It is not the ideal way to spend the majority of my time engaging people through a screen of some kind - it's not God's best for me.

I know there is a time and a place for critiques and opinions of our global culture, but SO MUCH of what we spend our conversations on, really has no impact on our personal lives at all.  And, what does this end up costing us in real-time?  Depth.  Connection.  Reality.  Peaceful and calm moments.  Rest.

What if we chose to make our world smaller?
What if we chose to be uninformed about many things, so we could be well-informed about a few?


Personally, it is a more difficult, often misunderstood, but much richer journey.  Engage, yes, but in a sphere/season/culture where you really are living life - and not solely from a screen. 

I invite you along.