asking for help

Just a quick note for a couple of rambling thoughts:

* I'm not doing any better asking for help, but I am definitely getting more excited to do it.  lol.  I want alone time more and more.  I want time with my husband consistently.  I want time with the Lord in the morning.  Perhaps these things can happen if I ask for help or give up sleep?  (sigh, sleeping is so dang powerful for me right now, but  my heart/mind are also deprived.  So perhaps I can compromise and be more filled all the way around?  I hope so....)

* I got 30 whole minutes of calm time with Abba this morning (boys were sleeping/waking up happy!), and it was helped my entire day be more holy.  Oh to do this every day!  I wish I could feel more free to drop my boys off somewhere, or have help over here....my friends do it all the time. Why can't I?

* I've realized an entire new level of selfishness in me.  crap.  a childhood song has been playing in my mind: "make me a servant, humble and meek.  Lord let me lift up those who are weak, and may the prayer of my heart always be: make me a servant today."  Parenting two has opened up new levels of selfishness and new levels of needing to find healthy/joyful moments on a daily basis.  Oh for discernment to know the difference and to choose to serve with a happy heart.

* Diapers, Pacifiers, and Other Holy Things - an amazing devotional book I'm reading that the Spirit is MAJORLY speaking to me through.  Thank You, Abba.

* I really miss my consistent, deep, intellectual, spiritual, and emotional conversations/relationships that I used to have....well, I still have them, but they're long-distance now, and quite infrequent :(   Can I make those types of relationships here?  It feels impossible....but I am so hungry for them!  Oh, Spirit, help me!  fill me!