Contemplating giving up facebook to just focus on blogging...I'm sick of the polite and shallow crap that is inevitable when people try to do relationships SOLELY online.
Trying to be thankful for the cute antics my boys are doing (Alex playing with play doh and Jon chasing a ball), instead of dwelling on how tired I am.
Recognizing how much I'm in a depressed and comparing and lonely mood right now, yet being unable to move past it, makes for a very draining and guilty and long day.
Excited to be learning vocab for sign language. I hope it keeps going. I hope Alex continues to love it.
Admitting to feeling lonely is an odd emotional truth for me. Since I'm such an indepent introvert, I suppose it's cuz I can't be indepent or alone consistenly, that makes the social time I do get not refreshing/connecting.
I miss true friends involved in a shared life. A lot.
I wish I was understood by people here (and I them!), yet perhaps I am simply unrealistic? AZ seems to be a place of longing for me...ever since I can remember, I've wanted to be known. I experienced that in CO, but not here. Why?
I find myself jealous of what my good friends are able to walk in, that I can't - with people and with the Lord. How unloving and judgmental of me! sigh
Why is life right now not enough/fulfilling? Why do I have such pressure on myself? Why am I still so stuck in performing and perfectionism? I blame myself very easily....I don't know how to walk in grace. Who shall teach me? How can I learn? Where are mentors?
An old youth leader recently apologized and modeled a deep sense of humility, trust, and obedience to the Lord. His story is one of redemption and grace. Oh Lord, show me how to accept Truth.
Jesus.....
No comments:
Post a Comment