Uninformed.

 or, Choosing to Have a Smaller World.

It's funny how today's global culture works.  Because we can be aware of so many current events, the pressure of "I should have an opinion on them" increases with each year.  Well, to clarify: having an informed opinion is incredibly valued, and being ignorant (i.e. uninformed) is greatly looked down upon.

Have you encountered that?  Listen to how people react to an uninformed person... it's not pleasant.

But, what's the problem with being informed on our world?  Information-overload.  

We aren't very good at knowing where our niche is, and where we can say "I'm allowed to be ignorant about that."  Boundaries matter in this area too.

Ah, but can I even say that today? 

Yet, it's just basic human limitations I'm speaking of here.  I'm not talking about living a self-indulged, ignorant of all others, uneducated, please-only-self life (which can be lived by anyone at any status, p.s.).  What I am speaking of is the willing choice to limit the noise in our lives.

Limiting noise.

Is that all this information is: noise?  Many times, yes. 

I do have great respect for the tech world (I am blogging, after all lol), and all the hard work it takes to engage/create, but at what cost to our personal lives? 

We have so many lonely people.  So many people with unrealistic expectations of success and relationships and family and God.  We've checked out for so long, we're now ignorant on how to... just....  live.

We blame media, or family break-down, or whatever, but how much of this "checked out-ness" could be solved if we made more time to slow down, engage, listen, and unplug?  Spend our energy engaging with the real-time problems in our own world (which, for some, really might include global issues!), instead of distancing ourselves through a screen, and solving the problems of people who are not in our sphere.  We are constantly giving opinions on people so far removed from ourselves, that we end up creating this false sense of authority within our own circles. 

After all,

"If I can have an entire well-informed conversation about famous person X, or politician Y, or tragic event Z, then clearly I am qualified to judge/critique my spouse, kid, parents, neighbor, driver who cut me off, grocer, etc."

We do it without even realizing it.

Eh, perhaps this is a long shot, but I, at least, observe this phenomenon often in myself and in those around me.  We get puffed up by passing our opinions (i.e. judgments) on people who could never clarify or challenge us, and then when we are in a place to listen to the other person's side - a real relationship in front of us! - we're already assuming we're in the right, and listening and learning becomes almost impossible.

SO!

My personal desire is to make an active choice to stream the amount of information I have even coming in to my world.  I really do have limited energy and time - we all do! - and it's just too hard for me (in this season, at least) to try to stay up-to-date about politics, weather, social media, events, etc. AND be present for all the relationships around me. 

"Wherever you are, be all there." ~Jim Elliot

Multitasking makes being fully present rather difficult, right?  Now, this whole thought should lead more to having a healthy rhythm versus no rhythm at all.  Personally, however, I have found over the last 5 years of limiting my TV/movies, commercial-watching, internet browsing, and social media, that I have been much more free to engage with my family, friends, neighbors, and strangers that do enter my real world.  I am free to see them as real people.  I am more present.

And, truly, that has been worth the frequent and awkward moments of my ignorance being revealed.  "Oh, you didn't hear about _____________??!?!?!?!?!" is said so often to me.... 


I now have a deeper respect for listening to real-people-in-my-life stories, instead of just labeling them and sharing my side as quickly as I can (which, I still do often, but I am learning it's not a very healthy way to live out relationships).  I now am more willing to engage and be vulnerable with person A in front of me, instead of just being in front of a screen and half-way paying attention to it all.

I am human.  I am wired to be physically present with the people I am in relationship with in this season of my life.  It is not the ideal way to spend the majority of my time engaging people through a screen of some kind - it's not God's best for me.

I know there is a time and a place for critiques and opinions of our global culture, but SO MUCH of what we spend our conversations on, really has no impact on our personal lives at all.  And, what does this end up costing us in real-time?  Depth.  Connection.  Reality.  Peaceful and calm moments.  Rest.

What if we chose to make our world smaller?
What if we chose to be uninformed about many things, so we could be well-informed about a few?


Personally, it is a more difficult, often misunderstood, but much richer journey.  Engage, yes, but in a sphere/season/culture where you really are living life - and not solely from a screen. 

I invite you along.

Becoming.

Ya know, I have often heard admonitions given to children to not cut open a cocoon, because then the butterfly will not have the strength to fly when it comes out.  I have heard this spoken to adults as proof that life's struggles create in us the ability to mature.  However, I have not heard this challenge given to parents for their children.

How often were we given an easy path to Life?  Things made fair.  Rewards for every effort.  Allowing teens to be a child with responsibilities, even as allowing adult-like freedoms with privileges. 

Now, 6 years ago, before having kids, I would have spent a lot more time critiquing parents, but now I am a little more sympathetic to the humanity of parents.  Most of them are really just trying to do the best they can, with what they're given, to love their child(ren) well.  We read books, have conversations, go to seminars, etc. to learn how to be better at follow-through, and love, and discipline.  We try to have fun, to connect, to be different from our own parents, to love our precious ones well.

However.  A thought occurred to me this morning, and while it is rather "duh" to state it, I have been simmering on it nonetheless.

What are we taking away from our children by making Life too easy for them?  Their ability to fly.

An over-scheduled, high-performance, low-responsibility, low-decision-making, Daily Life leads children into adulthood with beautiful, but not very functional, wings.  The struggle IS the point.  Failing, learning, and trying again IS what strengthens.

Do we let our kids actually fail?  Do I let my boys make real decisions, or do I tell them what to think?  I know Love and Logic talks in great detail about keeping responsibility on the child's shoulders, and I'm seeing that this is the way they develop their wings.  For use.  In the real world.  When we can't be there for them.

I really want my boys to be able to fly when they leave the cocoon Kris and I have been entrusted with.  It's a good thing for them to break out, slowly at first, but then faster.  With their own strength.


"Remember, child, it may look like helping the struggling butterfly to come out, but really all you're doing is crippling it."  I want to encourage the process, not take it over.

When all I see is Need...

Most conversations around me seem to be centered on opening up our eyes to the needs of the Other.  Most sermons and blogs and challenges and lectures are all about creating awareness.  Getting rid of ignorance.  Educating.

Well, what happens when I (though still full of ignorant assumptions, I know!) seem to ONLY see the needs of those around me?  What happens when I don't have a default yes/no based on my own life's needs?

What happens when all I see is the Need of the Other?

How do I know what to say yes or no to?
How do I know when to take care of myself, and when to sacrifice my own needs?
How do I know which need take precedence in a given moment?


Yeah, I don't think I ever will know in the sense of "certainty," and I do think it's a lot of trial, error, attempts, successes, failures, learnings, listenings...  and, well, PROCESS.  Which, ten years ago, would have freaked me out.  Now, I feel much better about Process, but it still jumps up at me, startling my daily rhythms again...  like today.

(I guess it's also hard for me right now, cuz I have a good idea of how to take care of me, but it involves a LOT of alone time....which is a VERY rare commodity in this season I'm in... so to be continually saying no to outside relationships - which is what I desire - creates a weird tension between isolation [selfish loneliness] and health [selfless connection].  I suppose my main desire is validation of my choices...but ...  agh, I guess that's ppl-pleasing then?  Hmmm...)

I am still learning that process IS the point, but, man, what to do in the moment of need-awareness?  I'm told to take responsibility (my childhood).  I'm told that to know good and not do it is sin (James).  I'm told to make the best choice I can, with the info I have, and then act.

Well, this has me stumped.

I guess I do want some sort of formula.  I guess I'd love to be God in those moments, instead of having to trust His promptings in my heart.  Ah, but how to know when it is God's moving, and not my own desires?  What to do with an over-reaching sense of responsibility?

There is Need and Pain and Loneliness and Hurt everywhere!!
Yet, I am not God.
And I am allowed to be a limited and need-dependent human.
Yet...  I am His hands and feet; a Truth-speaker in a world thirsty for Reality; a limited and grace-standing daughter of God.  Can I simmer there???  Ah, Grace! 

Hmmm....

Re-orient my world, Jesus.  Let me take one step after You.  Fill me with Truth - for myself first, and then those You have placed in my world today.  Open my eyes to Your Reality.  I need You.

It's only....

I've noticed that whenever I seem to have an abundance of something, I diminish it greatly in my mind.  Whether this is tangible, like food or money, or intangible, like free time or love. 

It's amazing how we take for granted SO much!  It's so easy for me to complain about what I don't have, yet when I fix my thoughts on gratitude, and I let God show me what I truly have, I am astounded.


I am so blessed.


And you are too.

Neener-Neener or Listening?

I had a few thoughts rumbling around in my head this morning as I tried to force myself back to sleep... to no avail.  So, courtesy of my early morning (and waiting for my tea to steep), here we go:

After watching a good month of The Big Bang Theory (hilarious!!!), I'm seeing  a few patterns emerge in the culture around me....things we see on the show, tell ourselves "aren't real," but then go ahead and live like that anyways. Nothing against the show, just a few challenges to the culture:

1. Getting laid will not solve all your problems.  Nor will being in a relationship.  Nor will being smart.  Whether single or married, this can be a real pitfall for many of us.  Because the ways that people form trust, commitments, happiness, purpose, etc, rarely come about in the way the shows tells us!  Yes, it's funny to watch, but I think it's just sad when we have a culture of grown-ups (20-30 somethings especially) who are justifying immaturity, selfishness, arrogance, and even loose living, because it's portrayed as the way to be connected....cool....in control...happy...at peace.  When, in fact, the very opposite often happens by living in such a way.

2. Science is an amazing tool for discovery of facts, but it is not a religion.  In fact, it is actually a lot more subjective than we realize, as it's still people making observations about what they/the majority/the minority experience. Science has been wrong and incomplete in the past, which is totally fine when seeking knowledge, but rather unhelpful when seeking Purpose.

Science is not our end-all.  It cannot be where we find purpose.  It is great for learning and asking questions, but lousy for putting faith into it (and if you think we don't put faith into science, think again.  Start paying attention to the type of language used when the hot-topic conversation of Religion v. Science comes up - both sides use language that show they're putting faith/hope/purpose into it...but more on that another time).

We can learn a great deal from the scientific field, as long as we remember that it's about answering the 'how's' and not the 'why's' of life, right?  If you are looking to Science to answer question of purpose, peace, meaning, encouragement, absolutes, Truth, etc, you will be disappointed...After all, how can data (non-Life) provide meaning to humans (Life) when we are the ones above it?  Can the food on the table, or the computer at work, or the bills I pay, or the dust I clean, meet my heart at all?  No, only Life can beget Life.  Now, can the data be used to perhaps better the quality of a person's life?  Sure!  But, remember that that is a Supplemental, not Higher, role of the information to a person.

Therefore, let's spend more time asking questions about which religion is closer to Life, as opposed to all our time bashing the supposed 'non-intellectual' as being lazy and stupid.

3.  And, finally, I think it's very sad that the questions of religion, faith, science, meaning, etc. are all lumped into a great big non-thinking mess, and we just resolve ourselves to bash the other side with our arrogant attitudes.  I would much rather have a conversation with a Scientist about her findings (and why they impact herself/others), then to read all about how ignorant/stupid people-not-in-my-group are by the same person.

Seriously, how is that helpful when anyone bashes someone?  (words, clothes, attitudes, online, whatever)

Just because Science can quantify data on a piece of paper does not make it any more solid of a reason to exclude, name-call, disrespect, or ignore a person who is not in 100% agreement with you (unless you're taking an extreme view on natural selection, in which case, let's have an in-person conversation, ok?).  Culturally, we lump the entire field of Science into one big, all-powerful, clearly-right, entity, yet when one pokes around in any specific field, one finds, shocker: disagreements. Variance readings of the data.  Changes in the facts.  Again, this is completely fine when pursuing knowledge, but a horrible place to put your heart, find Truth, and to take a stand against others. 

Are there non-thinking people in every social group?  Of course!  Does that give the thinking people a right to 'neener-neener' (lol, Sheldon!) the others with the Truth/Wisdom they've found?  Of course not!  But, for those who can rise above the name-calling, the bashing, the degrading, and the non-listening, to those I wish to encourage to press on to this higher path.  Whether you are in the fields of Science, Faith, Humanities, or all of the above, let's cut out the cutting remarks, eh?  It's not going to help anything anyways - Not in challenging people to Live Well.  Not the pursuit of Science.  Not the growing of our Faith.  Not the building of Relationships.  Not the discovery of Reality.  Not the seeking of Truth. 


...and now, to my tea...







   

Seasons and Sacrifice

Thankfulness and Freedom seemed to be especially present this morning, and as I was reflecting on what has led about their strength in these days, I saw two lessons which The Shepherd has been patiently teaching me for some time now.

1. Life is full of seasons.  Lord willing, there really will come a time when I work/minister outside of my home.  There will come a time when my children are grown and I have the house to myself/Kris again.  There will come a time when my kids are old enough to have their own lives and I won't be so needed in the ways I am now (a freeing thought for my introverted self!).

2. Maturity, Faith, Love, Service, etc. start NOW.  In this place.  With these people.  There is no other way.  If I refuse to learn how to sacrifice for them, any future work/loving/evangelism/relationships will be stunted.  If I refuse to learn how to take care of myself (say no, set boundaries, serve with a cheerful heart, etc!) in this season, it will not magically *poof* it's way into my life in a future season.

Which, as a side note:

There. Is. No. *Poof.* in God's Kingdom - everything, always, has a cost and a process.  Does Jesus sometimes take the cost upon Himself?  Sure.  Does He sometimes make the process so sweet to us, that it is hardly a burden?  Absolutely.  Does that mean that if we're shouldering a heavy cost and a long journey that we're outside of His will?  Nope.
(Now, there is a difference between carrying shame, guilt, sin, etc. around in a heavy burden, but what I'm speaking of is the burden of love, commitment, sacrifice, purpose, etc)

And, back to the point....

So, because of these two lessons, I see that I am free to do what what I need to do, in THIS season, to care for myself, to strengthen my marriage, to love my children, and to serve God with a happy heart.  The deep lessons and maturity begin NOW....

I can't express how much this has changed how I see my life!

Trusting that God has actually led me to this place/season.  Trusting that the work I do now - in Normal Life - actually counts (for myself and for the Kingdom).  Trusting that God will move me - in His way/time -  to a new season.  Trusting that I can rest/play/connect/grow/serve as is most restful to me, and that Jesus will multiply my efforts, if they truly need to be (how much do I always think 'more is better'?).

After all, what other way is there, except to
............Begin where you're at?
............Use what you have?
............Serve whom you're around?
............Enjoy and Rest as you can, Today?

Basically, for me, these lessons have allowed Rest to enter my days.  To trust that Jesus really is in control...  That I don't have to go out seeking an adventure - I'm already in one.  Yes, it may look like dishes, bills, school, decisions, commitments, questions, hard work, diligence, tenacity, love, difficult people, fun times, etc, but isn't that what adventures always are?  Isn't that what the missionary works so hard to do in a new culture?  Isn't Ordinary Life what God created?  And aren't we in that Right NOW?

So, on my days when it's all I can do to not sit in anger and depression and hurt and despair at my life right now,  I remember that 'this too shall pass' and that 'He makes all things beautiful in its time.'  If that means that today I need a good cry, a coffee, and my boys play on their own, so be it.  If it means I have the energy to engage with Alex and Jon, Kris, my family, Jesus, friends, chores, work, etc. then great!  If it means that today is a slower day, and I breathe the moments with thanks for Life, Health, Relationships, Salvation, and most of all, for His walking with me....then ok!

He has given me the manna I need for Today.  Don't hoard it.  Don't waste it.  Say, "Thank You" and enjoy.



[I refuse to buy in to the Western (ah, human!) rush of living.  Life is so much more.  Why do we rush - few things are truly Urgent - for everything?  Laziness does not equal Rest!  But, that's for another day....]