The Undone: More Feared than the Undead.

(Read the title and this list like a pirate.  Out loud. Seriously!!!)  

Dust on the baseboards.

A book sitting on the nightstand, 1st chapter done, 7 weeks later.

Piles in the office to be filed.

Piles on the desk to be sorted.

Toys to be gone through (give away, sell, keep...)

Dishes, Laundry, Bills, Errands, Cooking,

AAHHHHHH!!!!!!  It's the zombie apocalypse!!!!  Run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....

Oh.  It's just Life?

Right.

Alrighty then, buck up, girl, here ya go.

Why, oh why, does the Undone steal my joy?  Why does the constant motion of life turn into such a stressful montage?  When is the healthy living of productive, efficient, excellent actions, suddenly the fearful Undone?  What I know is that, for me, when I focus solely upon "Rest happens once work is done" I drive myself crazy....in this season, at least, when my limits seem much louder. 

I think being a hard worker is a wonderful skill, by the way, but as I ponder how much I translate those skills into this sphere of life (motherhood; homemaking; creating a place of rest; etc), I think I've taken a good truth, and perverted it.  Made it about control.

Life is never. ever. evereverevereverever done.  Like, ever. 

And that's ok.  Seriously!! There will always be work tomorrow (how boring if not!), and as I do what I can today, that's enough.  I can rest, and trust God to make up the difference, if it really couldn't wait until tomorrow (or provide energy to me, if truly needed).  Sabbath day, and daily moments of rest, are found by connecting with God, others, and self.  I am free to be a human, with limits, and to get to certain things tomorrow, if today's energy is all used up.

God grants me what I need, for what He has for me, today.  This moment.  This step.  I can trust that He's guiding, even when it's all I can do to come up for air.  I can trust Him to form my values, when I'm busy living out the ones already formed. 

I can live in a space with imperfections, for I am imperfect. 
I can rest in a place that's in-process, for I am in-process. 
I can accept that only so much can get done in a day, for only God is omnipotent.

So: not the End of the World.  Though, on the days when it feels like it, it's a good reminder to push that fear away, do the work in front of me, and then rest.  Connect.  Think.  Zone out.  Pray.  Be still.

Light a candle, hold a cup of tea, read the Word, and maybe even take a bath.   Or just go to sleep.  Or, try to find a bit of a smile in all the child-interruptions which limit said rest, and trust that Jesus will make up the difference in the end. 

Jesus is faithful to complete what He starts.  Amen!!!!!

Normal Life.

Some tumbling thoughts this morning...I'm remembering the words of my Aunt Flo, at my brother's wedding a couple years ago, this morning:

"You can't wait for someone to take care of you."

It's funny, cuz at that time, I told her I didn't believe that, and it just didn't make much sense to me.  After all, isn't that what husbands, and friends, and community, and God, all do?  But, as I simmered on that thought for a while, I realized how much I really do wait for someone else to take responsibility for my health.  To read my needs.  To meet them without my asking for help.  To absolve me of  the guilt for my lack of self-care.  I prefer to sit in the control of "I'm living sacrificially" instead of owning my life (which, I can only sacrifice what I own anyways, right?)

For me, this has opened up an entirely new way of doing life....marriage...parenting...friendships.

• I now work really hard to express my needs (which means I HAVE to have some still time each day, so I can get with Jesus, and my thoughts, and figure out what it is I even do need).  
• I try really hard to be careful with my words - I no longer just respond with a polite "I'm fine" or "No, I don't need help" or "It's no problem" when I'm not fine, I do need help, and it is a problem.
• I no longer wait for Kris to notice my need for connection, intimacy, friendship, alone time, worship, girl time, ETC!, and then to offer to help meet that need in some way.  Yes, I still LOVE it when he does notice, but, most often, I try to kindly let him know where I'm at, and what he could do to offer support.  I love it when he also shares the same needs for his heart.  We can't read minds, right? :)  We can't meet every relational need for each other, right?
• I'm better at saying "No" to social and church and family events.  If the boys are having a super rough week, and we just need an evening home, then I'm not going to wait for my friend to notice that, and retract her offer of hang out time; how could she even know?  

 Anyways, perhaps this is simple Normal Life to most people, but being raised to be polite ALWAYS, it is just engraved upon my heart that my needs are always secondary - if ever even given weight - yet, how can we lay down a self, if we don't have a self?  I need to have a life, to sacrifice it.  I need to be an individual, in order to submit to Jesus.

In other words, I am a valuable person too, and it's ok to ask for the space I need to be a healthy person.  THEN, when a situation arises that requires sacrifice, I have a Routine/Normal/Self that I can lay down.

Just yesterday, Alex made a joke about calling himself dumb, and we had a good conversation about how negative self-talk isn't ok, because, after all, you are also a person (made it God's image, whom He dearly loves!).  It's not just OTHER people who get to have respect, and rest, and boundaries, and encouragement, and love.  It's you too!!! 

So, all this to say, I am being convicted about the level of guilt I carry around, because I have needs.  Because I am human.  Because I have limits. Because I have more resources than '3rd world woman A, B, and C,' and I shouldn't even talk about my daily exhaustion's.  It's kinda ridiculous, true, but tis my Default most days.  I'm thankful Jesus patiently points out these things, so that I can have more Freedom, Peace, and Contentment with Him.

He is so Good.