You're Welcome.

We grow up learning to say, "please & thank you," but all too often we miss out on the final element to these polite phrases: "you are welcome."  It's funny how these three little words convey so many things:

Acknowledgement of a deed done.
Kind response to gratitude.
Humility.
Respect.
Love.

 
When the Giver offers up a minimalist response ("No problem/No big deal/It was nothing") to the gratitude, the Receiver is put in the position of trying to convince the Giver that it WAS a problem/big deal/something, and this leads to the Receiver wondering how many thanks is enough, etc.  The back and forth that then ensues may be no big deal to most of us - just polite society, or the way things are, perhaps - but I've been seeing the deeper levels behind this all-too-often exchange (especially in the Church world), and have a few thoughts I'd like to share.

1. For the RECEIVER: When I am in need, and someone offers up time/money/help/etc. to meet that need, I am blessed.  This should trigger a response of gratitude in me.  When I say, "thank you for ______" but receive a response that minimizes their action/gift, it, in turn, minimizes my original need.  I know how much their gift/action touched my heart, and for the response to be "no big deal," well, it WAS a big deal to me... wasn't it?  I MEAN it when I say, "thank you," and it is not something I say just because I'm obligated.

(Which, as an aside, this "polite" motivation is a whole other issue to me, because why are we offering up thanks - or help - if we don't really mean it?  Integrity, people!  Why do we have no problem with lying when it's "polite," and what we're "supposed to say," but recognize it as sin when it's for our gain?  I am all for manners, you guys, but this takes it away from Respect and Kindness - the reasons for being polite - and into the realm of legalistic and obligatory perfectionism.)

2.  For the GIVER: When I put forth effort for someone, but then I put myself in the position of minimizing my effort, I am constantly convincing myself that the money/time/energy/gift really is no big deal, and my limits aren't anything I need to take into account.  Yet, a gift always costs me something.  When I don't acknowledge that cost, I can quickly jump onto the burn-out road where I have no idea what my limits are, because I never acknowledge them to anyone (even to myself).  This is actually a form of pride (false humility), as it sets the Giver up as limitless and superhuman.


Now, I know there are people who want nothing more than to be praised for their effort, and seen for all their sacrifices, but for the other side of the spectrum - those who are always trying to be seen as limitless in their giving (even to the recipient) - I hope this can be a word of caution to help us all swing more towards the middle ground.


Yes, there are times to be anonymous, and even to downplay the cost, but I don't believe this should be the main way we operate.  It's ok to have limits.  It's ok to let the work of our hands be seen, acknowledged, and offered up as praise to Jesus, who made all gifts possible in the first place.

No, we shouldn't only do something to get a "thank you" and some attention from people, but when it is given/noticed, let's offer up a hearty "you are welcome!" and let the gratitude cycle be completed by the acknowledgement of the service done, knowing that both parties are then seen and encouraged....which easily leads into worship, as both recognize that it is Jesus Who makes all things possible.


Pay attention to what your default response is when someone tells you "thank you" this week, and then ask yourself some questions: 

• Why is it so hard for some of us to receive thanks?
• Is it easy to say "you're welcome," or does that feel too proud to me?
• Do I have a clear idea on my limits?
• If it goes back and forth from "Thanks" to "No big deal" to "No, really, thank you" etc etc, does that make the focus more on myself (fishing for compliments, whether that's the intent or not)?
• Did Jesus say that what He gave us on the cross was no big deal, or does He agree that it was the biggest sacrifice One could make, and that is why He is worthy of our lives, love, gratitude, praise, etc?  When I tell Him "thank you" do I have to keep going on and on to convince Him that I really, really, really mean it?  Then why should we act like that with each other?
• Which side do I lean more towards: desiring attention and praise, or being seen as limitless?  
• If I am on the side of really wanting the praise of people, and therefore only give gifts that will be clearly seen, can I spend time in repentance, and ask the Lord to help me say, "you're welcome," and then move on to giving God the glory?  Ask Jesus to help my motivation be to please Him, Who sees all things, even if the recipient isn't aware of the cost.
• If I am on the side of minimizing my gift, even though my intent is not to be seen as limitless, does it make sense that that is what I communicate by saying that the cost was nothing (which is really lying)?  If this is a struggle for me, can I spend some time in repentance for my perfectionism, and ask the Lord to help me humbly receive gratitude this week for the work of my hands that is offered up to others?

Don't forget to look up.

In His Grip,
Carlene