...stages, that is. Many seasons of life exist - we are told this all the time, no? - yet I don't think I ever fully comprehended the "big deal" of that statement until having kids. This season of life is unlike anything I've experienced before, and allowing it to simply "be" has been challenging beyond expectation. I wish I were living in close community with you, dear friends, so that we could share each others burdens in the reality that they are....
It is exhausting, and some days (like today) cause me to struggle a great deal more with accepting the reality of what my days now must look like (i.e. finding time for a small moment to sit at the computer may, in fact, be the only "fun/rest" time I get all day)....or, that the sacrifices Kris and I make in the material are worth what we're living out in the spiritual/emotional with our family.
Mostly, it comes down to the fact that I am very very very inflexible person. I hate getting interrupted. I hate having to lose my train of thought all the time. I hate not being able to follow through on plans: my own or with others. I hate getting mad at my boys for not being able to just sit and read a good book. I hate sounding so selfish.
Oh, God, change me quickly, for I cannot bear this fight for much longer. Show me how to surrender self, and how to take the moments you give me as the gifts they are. Help me to not allow envy and jealousy to ruin the blessings You send. Show me how to be healthy by making time for Life-giving fun, while not begrudging my sons for the time they demand of me.
Thank You for the blessing of family.
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