My Fear of "Normal Life"

I think this fear began during a conversation with Brad Ellgen (8 years ago?), when he told me "you don't want to live a normal life (i.e. be a soccer mom)."  Whether or not my immature high school ears heard it how he intended, it has stuck with me. 

There is a huge part of my heart that wants to do extoridnary and fantastic and huge things in life.  Even though I have rarely desired the "normal" things of our culture (so, fine, I'm wired to be a no-go for a normal life in that way), I do still desire to be accepted/appreciated in a unique/only-Carlene way.  Also, I feel responsible for the talents and opportunities I've been given, yet somehow "turning inward," and just living my day-to-day life, seems incredibly selfish/not an option/unfulfilling.  This causes a lot of tension in me, my marriage, my friendships, etc. because I have this "this should be bigger/more" thought in the back of my mind far too often.  Lame.

So.

Why do I always look for some lesson in EVERYTHING?  Why am I afraid to simply take life as it comes?  Why can't I appreciate the daily routine, instead of feeling like a failure for not doing something fantastic and major efficient with every second?  Why am I afraid of the mundane?  What is it in my generation/culture that pushes for the extraordinary?

I always get on Kris for being too much of a thrill seeker, but perhaps I am just as addicted....only my thrills are in success, efficiency, growth/maturity, and tangible progress being made at something I can see/measure. 

I don't think it's bad to be a self-motivated person, nor is it wrong to have goals/dreams and to work towards them...My question is whether or not it's ok for me to be so desperately incapable of accepting my daily life as good enough.  

Ok, well, when I put it that way: not ok.

.....So, what to do? 

I guess I am mostly driven by fear (oh, so not ok):  Fear of missing out on some amazing option that only lasts during this specific season of life; Fear of having regret in how I parented/stressed out/didn't use my time well; Fear of choosing the wrong thing and not having a second (or fifty-third!) chance.

How do I become ok with doing things for myself (reading, working out, alone time) on a bigger level (i.e. more than just randomly), and it not become selfish/neglectful?  How do I wrestle through my desire to have more kids, when I can barely make all the plates fly now?  How do I accept my daily routine as fulfilling/satisfying/worthy/blessing/gift?  Oh, how wrong of me to mock this beautiful life I have, wishing for something more!

So.

I have not been given a spirit of fear.  How do I walk in that?  God's grace is sufficient for me.  How do I live that out?  God is sovereign and good.  How do I trust Him more fully?  God is in control.  How do I give control up?

::curious::